season 1//episode 5: does god actually care about the desires of my heart?
Welcome back, friends! I am so glad you’re here and hope that whatever you’re doing today, that you are being filled with joy.
Today we are going to unpack this statement: God doesn’t care about the desires of my heart. Before we do this, let’s pray.
Why would someone believe that God doesn’t care about the desires of their heart?
Perhaps their experiences with trauma or trials have convinced them that there is nothing good in store for them in this life.
Maybe they have endured abuse–be it sexual, emotional, physical, or verbal–and they don’t know how to distinguish between the voice of their abuser in their head vs the voice of God.
Maybe they are weary and tired of waiting on God to answer prayers they have been praying for years on end.
Let’s take a look at the story of Hannah in the Bible. We are just going to walk through 1 Samuel 1 and 2 and then I will share a little more of my story with you.
There was a man from Ramathaim-zophim in[a] the hill country of Ephraim. His name was Elkanah son of Jeroham, son of Elihu, son of Tohu, son of Zuph, an Ephraimite. 2 He had two wives, the first named Hannah and the second Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah was childless. 3 This man would go up from his town every year to worship and to sacrifice to the Lord of Armies at Shiloh, where Eli’s two sons, Hophni and Phinehas, were the Lord’s priests.
4 Whenever Elkanah offered a sacrifice, he always gave portions of the meat to his wife Peninnah and to each of her sons and daughters. 5 But he gave a double[b] portion to Hannah, for he loved her even though the Lord had kept her from conceiving. 6 Her rival would taunt her severely just to provoke her, because the Lord had kept Hannah from conceiving. 7 Year after year, when she went up to the Lord’s house, her rival taunted her in this way. Hannah would weep and would not eat. 8 “Hannah, why are you crying?” her husband, Elkanah, would ask. “Why won’t you eat? Why are you troubled? Am I not better to you than ten sons?”
Let’s talk about this passage so far. These are the first 8 verses of chapter 1. We know that Hannah is married to Elkanah, and she does not have any children of her own. She is a barren woman, which would be a source of reproach in this society. A woman’s worth was wrapped up in her ability to continue the family line. In the footnotes of my study Bible, it says that most likely, Hannah was married to Elkanah first and then Peninnah came along when Hannah had not yet conceived any heirs.
Can you imagine being the childless life of a prosperous and important man? It says here that Elkanah truly felt for her and loved her, but he didn’t know how to comfort her. He would give her a double portion, but as any barren woman knows, this would never fill the hole in her heart.
Let’s keep reading.
On one occasion, Hannah got up after they ate and drank at Shiloh.[c] The priest Eli was sitting on a chair by the doorpost of the Lord’s temple. 10 Deeply hurt, Hannah prayed to the Lord and wept with many tears. 11 Making a vow, she pleaded, “Lord of Armies, if you will take notice of your servant’s affliction, remember and not forget me, and give your servant a son, I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and his hair will never be cut.”[d]
12 While she continued praying in the Lord’s presence, Eli watched her mouth. 13 Hannah was praying silently, and though her lips were moving, her voice could not be heard. Eli thought she was drunk 14 and said to her, “How long are you going to be drunk? Get rid of your wine!”
15 “No, my lord,” Hannah replied. “I am a woman with a broken heart. I haven’t had any wine or beer; I’ve been pouring out my heart before the Lord. 16 Don’t think of me as a wicked woman; I’ve been praying from the depth of my anguish and resentment.”
17 Eli responded, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant the request you’ve made of him.”
18 “May your servant find favor with you,” she replied. Then Hannah went on her way; she ate and no longer looked despondent.[e]
Hannah is so distraught and so consumed with the grief and longing of being a barren woman that when she cries out to the Lord, she is uninhibited. She is not afraid of laying it all before Him, even in front of others! Many of us would be afraid to walk the aisle at church and go pray at the altar, let alone be crying with such anguish that we would be considered drunk!
Eli recognizes her longing and blesses her in the name of the Lord. As a man of God, he reassures her and allows her to fully express her emotions in a healthy way that leads to restoration and healing.
Let’s finish the chapter.
The next morning Elkanah and Hannah got up early to worship before the Lord. Afterward, they returned home to Ramah. Then Elkanah was intimate with his wife Hannah, and the Lord remembered her. 20 After some time,[f] Hannah conceived and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel,[g] because she said, “I requested him from the Lord.”
21 When Elkanah and all his household went up to make the annual sacrifice and his vow offering to the Lord, 22 Hannah did not go and explained to her husband, “After the child is weaned, I’ll take him to appear in the Lord’s presence and to stay there permanently.”
23 Her husband, Elkanah, replied, “Do what you think is best, and stay here until you’ve weaned him. May the Lord confirm your[h] word.” So Hannah stayed there and nursed her son until she weaned him. 24 When she had weaned him, she took him with her to Shiloh, as well as a three-year-old bull,[i] half a bushel[j] of flour, and a clay jar of wine. Though the boy was still young,[k] she took him to the Lord’s house at Shiloh. 25 Then they slaughtered the bull and brought the boy to Eli.
26 “Please, my lord,” she said, “as surely as you live, my lord, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the Lord. 27 I prayed for this boy, and since the Lord gave me what I asked him for, 28 I now give the boy to the Lord. For as long as he lives, he is given to the Lord.” Then he[l] worshiped the Lord there.
Hannah received the answer to her prayer, but it wasn’t in the way she hoped or expected. I am going to go out on a limb here and assume that Hannah would have never asked the Lord to make her a barren woman. She most likely felt ashamed of her perceived inability to conceive, and this would have been a heavy weight upon her shoulders. She was weary and tired when she went to the temple, but the Lord heard her cry. He did not answer her in the way she wanted Him to. At first, He told her to wait. She waited and waited and pleaded for His strength to do so, and at just the right time, He said yes.
Not only did Hannah honor the Lord by giving her son the name Samuel, which means “name of God” or “offspring of God,” but she fully dedicated his life to the Lord. She took him back to the temple to give him to the Lord’s service. She recognized that he didn’t belong to her. Can you imagine returning to the Lord your most precious gift? I sure can’t.
In verse 5, it says that the Lord had kept Hannah from conceiving. Then in verse 19, it says that He remembered her. Now many of us may think that God does not cause hard things, but He is sovereign, and He is the one who opens and closes a womb–or sends a spouse, provides a new job, etc. When it says that He remembered her, it doesn’t mean that at some point He forgot her. Rather it is saying that He decided to act upon His character and blessed her with a child.
So how does this apply to the woman who feels like God doesn’t care about the desires of her heart?
I read this passage over and over again in the midst of my own infertility, but I also clung to it in singleness as I pleaded with God to bring me my future husband. As I was preparing for this podcast, I pulled out my study Bible, which I have had for over 10 years now. In the margin next to 1 Samuel 2 is a note where I have written, “Give me the faith and trust of Hannah, Lord.” It is dated November 21, 2012. In November of 2012, I was living in Athens, GA. I had moved back to the States after living in Mexico for 2 years as a teacher. This was a difficult time for me as I was going through a bit of an identity crisis. Even though I studied for four years to be a teacher, I actually didn’t love teaching. Many of my friends were dating, engaged, or married, and I had never had a boyfriend. I was lonely and struggling with how to find joy in my new life.
When I was a barren woman myself, I loathed baby showers and struggled to be around women who were pregnant. Opening up Facebook to see the pregnancy announcements was so disheartening for me.
But in the midst of both of those seasons of longing, I found that it was completely ok to be honest with myself and with others about my struggles, just as Hannah was when she cried out to God in the temple. But it was not ok to be defined by my struggles. I was not defined by my singleness and I was also not defined by my barrenness. And now, I am not defined by my marriage or by my motherhood. It is Christ who defines me and gives me my worth, not the fulfillment of my dreams and longings.
Psalm 37:4 used to be one of my favorite verses in high school. This was before I realized what it actually meant. This verse says,: “Take delight in the LORD, and He will give you your heart’s desires.” Well, 16 year old me assumed that meant that I would just get all of the things I wanted because I was a good Christian girl who loved Jesus. But when we delight in Him, our greatest delight is Himself. To walk with Him in the midst of suffering and pain and still give Him glory is to be made like Him.
The one who truly delights in the LORD will find his heart and desires changed, steadily aligning with God’s own good desires for his life. Thus we see that finding delight in God is a key to a happy, satisfied life.
Most of all, it shows that when we delight ourselves in the LORD, He gives us our delight. If He is our delight, He gives us more of Himself. - David Guzik
God cares about the desires of your heart because He cares about you. You will find great joy in walking with Him in the midst of your everyday life when you fix your eyes on His kindness and goodness and stop focusing on all that you do not have. If you’re listening to this podcast, you still have breath in your lungs. This means God isn’t done with your life yet, and He still has a purpose for you regardless of what dreams remain unfulfilled.
Rest in knowing that His grace is sufficient for you today, and know that He loves you and cares for you, even if it feels like your circumstances say otherwise.
I’ll talk to you next week, friends.
Today on the podcast, we take a look at the story of Hannah in the Bible. This woman was so desperate for the Lord to open her womb that the priest thought she was drunk as she cried out to the Lord in the temple. What did she learn from Him that we need to know when God doesn’t grant us the desires of our hearts?
To learn more about my journey of waiting, check out my book, Already Chosen.
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