season 1//episode 3: does god ever give you more than you can handle?
Welcome to the first episode of The Fullness of Joy podcast! I am so excited to have you here and am so grateful you have taken time out of your day to listen in.
Since this is the first episode, I wanted to go ahead and set the stage for you a bit. Each week, we will talk through a lie that is common in our culture, whether that is mainstream culture or Christian culture. We will examine that lie in light of Scripture, and I will share parts of my story with you. My hope is that you learn and grow in your desire to know the truth so that you can be set free and experience the fullness of God’s joy! He has so much for us beyond what we can ever imagine!
Over the next several weeks, we are going to take a look at lies we are prone to believe about God. What we believe about God says so much about ourselves, too. Our belief about who He is and how He acts flows into all that we do.
Today, we are going to unpack this statement: “God never gives you more than you can handle.” I’ve talked about this a little online before, but today I want to go a little deeper.
“God never gives you more than you can handle” is a huge load of crap. I could easily say that 2021 was the hardest year of my life. But to stop there by simply recounting the pain and sorrow would be missing the point.
When I think about the intensity of a traumatic year, my heart is truly encouraged. Jesus said that to know Him, you must join in His suffering. I know Him in a different way than I did before the grief. I know Him to be more kind than I ever imagined. Trials could have extinguished the flame of my faith, but they served to strengthen it.
During 2021, we experienced all of the following:
pregnancy
foster parenting
secondary trauma
difficulty at work
hospitalizations and institutional stays
death of our family dog
compassion fatigue
job loss
fractured relationships
financial insecurity
birth
death of my mother-in-law
a move
2021 was a gut-wrenching year for our family, but it didn’t start that way. On a late January evening, my husband and I went on a much-needed date, talking over tacos and margaritas. I remember thinking that my period was late, and when we got home from our date, I took a pregnancy test “just to check.” We had been trying for our second baby, and I wanted so badly to be pregnant.
I took the test, and to my utter delight, it was positive. My husband was incredulous, as it had taken nearly two years to conceive my son. We were completely thrilled and grateful that it only took a few months for this little girl to make her home in my womb. We called our daughter, who was 17 at the time, into the room, and she was overjoyed—she had been praying for a little sister.
We couldn’t keep the good news to ourselves, so the next day we shared it with our family. We went to my in-laws’ house to share with them, and Rory’s mom, Willy, said with a smile on her face, “That’s the best news we’ve had in a year.” She had been battling breast cancer off and on for about six years, and she was ready for some joy in her life.
Soon after, we found out the baby’s due date was October 3rd. I thought it would be serendipitous for her to share a birth month with her maternal great-grandmother. Five years to the day after she died, my miracle boy was born, so I cherished the thought of another way for me to remember her. Everything within me was delighted about this October due date.
But a month before she was born, my husband lost his job. Everything changed within a matter of minutes when he called me crying, and it felt like life was falling apart. Now, full disclosure–my husband had been looking for a new job for several months. He had applied to dozens of jobs and had come in second in line for a dream position that would require a move, but still found himself wanting. So when he got let go from a place where he had sacrificed a lot to be there and had been frustrated for a while, it was a low blow. Add that to all that we had already walked through earlier in the year with so many other trials, and we were just about done. We didn’t know what we were going to do.
Both of us were unemployed and we were about to have a baby. God was going to need to do something pretty incredible to get us out of this one.
During this time, we relied on our friends and church family like never before. People were so incredibly kind and generous to us. We didn’t have to go into debt when my husband was out of work for three months. I will never forget the miraculous provision God gave to us through the body of Christ.
One morning, we were sitting at home and got a call from the financial secretary at our church, who said that someone had left a gift for us at the church office. We packed up the kids and drove over, only to find that someone had anonymously left us $2500 in cash. AND the day before several friends had gone in together to send us nearly $400.
Tears streamed down my face as we drove to the ATM to deposit the funds, in shock and awe of how our God, the God who sees, decided to show us that we are not unseen and had not been forgotten.
In Acts 2:42-47, it says, “They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.”
Our friends can come through us and hold us up when we cannot hold on anymore. This is what the body of Christ is for!
Exactly one month later, Rory and I woke up to a phone call in the middle of the night. His mom was being admitted to the hospital. She had been struggling with difficult side effects from her chemotherapy, and they weren’t sure if she was going to make it through the night. He got dressed and drove to the hospital, praying all the way there.
I was already struggling to sleep because of constant trips to the bathroom, and now my heart was so heavy. Her cancer battle had taken a turn for the worse that summer when they found spots on her liver, and I was heartsick at the thought of losing her.
The next morning, I was starting to get uncomfortable cramps. Rory was still at the hospital, and I was exhausted in every way. A dear friend offered to take my kids for the day so that I could rest, and I attempted to prepare my heart, mind, and spirit and wept while trying to cling to the promises of God. All the while I was begging Him to heal Willy so she could meet her granddaughter.
By that afternoon, the contractions were starting to become more frequent and intense. My sweet husband walked through the door, exhausted but grateful for the time he had with his mom, and hopeful her health would improve.
I looked at him and said, “I’m pretty sure this baby is coming soon.” He replied, “Just give me a 20-minute warning so I can take a shower before we leave for the hospital.”
Once we got to the hospital and upstairs to the triage room, the pain was intensifying. My goal was to have a natural birth, but that was beginning to feel impossible. They checked me, and I was still early in labor, the same stage as when I had arrived at the hospital with my son. His birth took 17 hours, and that didn’t sound appealing to me to repeat. I looked at Rory and said, “I don’t need to be a martyr. I need the drugs.” He calmly replied, “Do whatever you want, babe.”
I wanted to labor in the tub because it had helped to tamp down the pain with my first birth. The nurses started working to get the wireless monitors on me, but in the midst of that, I threw up. A nurse said, “Ok, we’re in transition!” I thought, “How the heck could I be in transition already and nearing the final stage of labor?!”
The midwife joined the nurses as she arrived from another birth, then they decided to check me before letting me get into the tub. I was nearly ready for birth! Nurses were running around the room, and my husband was still trying to clean up the vomit off of his shoes. No longer were drugs an option. This baby was coming. I was on the verge of falling apart, but my midwife just looked me straight in the eyes and said with firm yet gentle conviction, “You are going to have this baby! You are doing great!”
I looked at my husband for affirmation, because I was terrified of the pain. However, I was ready to meet this sweet girl who I had been praying for and carrying under my heart for the last nine months. My heart was tender and my mind exhausted as I considered my weakness. I knew I had to surrender to the birth process, and I couldn’t allow fear to stop me from allowing my body to do what God created it to do.
A few pushes later, and our little girl was born. I was in utter disbelief—God had answered my prayers for a quick, natural birth. No tears, no complications, just a precious girl who came into the world when we needed hope like we needed oxygen. After a couple sweet days of fawning over her beauty, we headed home. Everyone was so glad to have a literal bundle of joy to hold as we contended in prayer for Willy’s life.
The next day, on our daughter’s due date, Rory got another phone call in the early morning—his mom’s heart was failing. He rushed to the hospital, but she was already gone. Our hearts were completely overwhelmed by grief but overcome with the hope of eternity. After six years of fighting cancer, she was ready to see Jesus.
Our baby girl and Grandma Willy will forever be intertwined. We are truly grateful she is no longer suffering but rather made whole in the arms of Jesus. Our daughter’s name means “God is a gracious King.” Never before had we needed a reminder of God’s grace and His sovereignty in our lives more than during this moment of tremendous sorrow and great joy.
While it is eerie to think how we prepared for October 3rd all year in order to welcome a new life into the world, I also find comfort knowing that God knew it was the same day He would welcome a good and faithful servant into His everlasting kingdom. God operates outside of time, yet we are so bound to it. To think that Willy missed the arrival of her granddaughter by mere days makes me heartsick. She spent some of her last days making a beautiful baby blanket inscribed with scripture. This blanket now hangs in her room as a visible reminder of the legacy of faith she left to our family. As we remember her in the years to come, I pray for a way to honor her life through celebrating her life and thanking God for her as I mother my sweet girl.
If you can handle everything on your own, why would you need an all-powerful God? Our difficulties and suffering invite us to depend on God instead of trying to do everything on our own.
I do not know what the future holds, but I know He will be there. He did, in fact, give me more than I could handle with this life I lead. But He has proved Himself faithful along every step of the way by loosening my grip, even if only a little, on the things of this world and giving me a longing for His presence to be my constant comfort.
Think about the life of Paul. After meeting the Lord on the road to Damascus, he experienced persecution on an intense level. He writes the following in 2 Corinthians:
Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked. Once I spent a whole night and a day adrift at sea. 26 I have traveled on many long journeys. I have faced danger from rivers and from robbers. I have faced danger from my own people, the Jews, as well as from the Gentiles. I have faced danger in the cities, in the deserts, and on the seas. And I have faced danger from men who claim to be believers but are not.[c] 27 I have worked hard and long, enduring many sleepless nights. I have been hungry and thirsty and have often gone without food. I have shivered in the cold, without enough clothing to keep me warm. (25-27)
Before Paul was a missionary, sent to tell the Good News, he was a persecutor of Christians. But when God got ahold of his heart, he was never the same, and he endured many of the trials had inflicted upon others.
He goes on in chapter 12 to say this:
This boasting will do no good, but I must go on. I will reluctantly tell about visions and revelations from the Lord. 2 I[a] was caught up to the third heaven fourteen years ago. Whether I was in my body or out of my body, I don’t know—only God knows. 3 Yes, only God knows whether I was in my body or outside my body. But I do know 4 that I was caught up[b] to paradise and heard things so astounding that they cannot be expressed in words, things no human is allowed to tell.
5 That experience is worth boasting about, but I’m not going to do it. I will boast only about my weaknesses. 6 If I wanted to boast, I would be no fool in doing so, because I would be telling the truth. But I won’t do it, because I don’t want anyone to give me credit beyond what they can see in my life or hear in my message, 7 even though I have received such wonderful revelations from God. So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud.
8 Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. 9 Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 10 That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
So what can we learn from this, friend?
Well, the world will tell us that our suffering is a result of our bad choices or karma. It will tell us that we need to pick ourselves up by our bootstraps and just figure it out. The world tells us that suffering is bad and should be avoided at all costs.
But suffering is not bad. It is hard, and hard things are used by God to help us grow. The purpose of suffering is to bring us closer to the love of Christ. It is to make us more like Him and help us to see Him and ourselves more clearly. We often look at suffering as a curse or a punishment, but the Word tells us in 1 John that he who fears has not been perfected in love. Romans tells us that God is able to work all things together for the good of those who love Him. So we can trust that God will give us more than we can handle. But we can also trust that He will be with us in the midst of it all.
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